Nuance and Neuroses

Whoops I only published one post in 2015. Since I'm home alone with my cat, here is my stream-of-consciousness during #Blizzard2016 (hashtagging on blogs is cool and useless). So far this is Blizzard 2016: Jack's tongue is part of the appeal. Earlier I wished I was snowed in with someone but then I started posting wine selfies every hour on Facebook and got some laughs while probably also ruining my career. Also I haven't worn a bra for almost 48 hours and can fart whenever I want so basically I won the blizzard . Added more whipped cream vodka to my Nutella hot chocolate. Can you microwave a drink with alcohol in it? Let's find out. Well, nothing exploded so I guess you can. Unless I die later. I mean, like, sooner-later. I will die later, but hopefully like many-years-kinda-later. I just showed Jack a video with meowing cats. He had no reaction. Goddammit, Jack. There are so many pictures of snow and alcohol and pets and selfies on Facebook this weeke...

I'm tired today. Tired of being strong, tired of taking care of myself, tired of being smart and independent and lonely. I'm tired of keeping it in and being quiet when I'd rather scream. I don't want to be by myself and I don't want to go on any more stupid, boring dates where I'd rather be home with the cat.  And I'm angry. Angry at the happy couples holding hands and angry at the people who jump from one relationship to the next when I've been single for 7 fucking years. Angry at myself at messing up the what-could-have-beens and angry that everyone seems to have what I don't. What I seem to be incapable of getting. Surely I can't be the only one who can't find and/or sustain love? I'm pretty. I'm smart. I'm funny. And I'm picky.  I want things. I want a partner. I want children. Do I NEED them? Well, that depends on your definition of need. Do I need them to validate myself as a person? No. But I need them in the ...

Did you know girls poop? Apparently my most recent date didn't. Who wouldn't want to come home to this every day? Third date with a new guy. In my opinion, it wasn't really long-term potential, because this guy didn't want kids (I do) and didn't particularly like pets (you may know about my love of cats). But, he and I had good conversation, and what I thought was decent chemistry, so I thought I would just have some fun in the short term. On our first two dates, we went out to dinner, and at the end of the second date, he came to my place for a brief, fun make-out session. Third date was tonight. He came over to my place again. We talked for a little while. At one point he said something that kind of annoyed me, and then attempted to kiss me, so I was a bit lean-away-and-face-forward-ish. He got the hint and we started talking again, in a fun way. We were both laughing and having a good time. I was planning to start kissing him again soon. First, tho...

I'm in an abusive relationship with my job. It treats me terribly, and I know it, but until recently I haven't had the guts to work toward leaving it. I've made all the excuses that one tells oneself in an abusive human relationship. It doesn't mean to hurt me; it's just stressed out. When a company is in financial trouble, as mine has been, those in charge start to take desperate measures to work their way out of the hole. The casualties, of course, are overworked, underpaid employees. The implication is that if we just work a little harder, a little longer, we can dig our way out. The whispered threat being that if the company doesn't start to improve, it's kind of our own fault . Well, the job does have some good qualities. I love my boss and my coworkers. I enjoy the work I do. Really. So what if I haven't had a raise in 5 years, there's no room for growth, the upper management seems neither to respect nor even notice the work we do, an...

I've posted before about online dating don'ts for men. I do it mostly in good fun, as I make no claim to be perfect or have a perfect profile. Everyone makes errors in judgment occasionally. Some are more egregious than others. Posting pictures that involve a lineup of people when I don't know who you are? Merits an eye roll, nothing more. Averaging 3 spelling mistakes per sentence? Deep, profound sigh. But occasionally, a profile is so wrong, so off the mark, and so blazingly unaware that my first reaction is to burst out laughing. And then use it as the ultimate example of what not to write. OkCupid Specimen: What Not to Write    I would like you to use just one comma. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently, yes. Oh lordy, where to begin? Oh right, commas. And apostrophes. Where to continue? Let's go with insulting the reader. The reader, presumably, is a woman on OkCupid. According to you, this means she is one of several things: drunk, crazy, a whor...

I feel like I'm buzzing with potential, yet not going anywhere with it. I want to be creative. I have the desire, but I lack the inspiration. I frequently feel like I'm wasting my time. I'm wasting my life. I'm not living in the moment. I'm sort of... waiting. Waiting for life to start.  I don't want to look back on these years, the years that everyone calls the prime of my life in so many ways, and feel as though I've wasted them on the internet, or laying in bed, and waiting for life to start. Life is here. Right now. It's happening as I sit here in my newly laundered sheets, wearing my college sweatpants, drinking a makeshift blood orange cosmo at 11:30 p.m. on a Friday. I'm 26. I'm almost 26 and a half. This is it. All we have is the present. This is it. We don't live in the past. Or in the future. I'm trying, every day, to live in the moment. And it's so much harder than you might think. There is a man (as the...

Let’s just put it out there. I'm Jewish. And I freely admit it: Hanukkah ain’t got nothing on Christmas. Don't get me wrong. We really do appreciate your efforts to make us feel included! It's nice that you say "Happy holidays" sometimes instead of "Merry Christmas," though I don't know know any Jews who would be offended to be wished a merry Christmas. You wouldn't be offended if someone wished you a happy Hanukkah, would you? Society does try to include us Jews in December festivities. Most of the larger chain stores have a section with menorahs, dreidles, a Hanukkah card or two - even if it's one shelf among the aisles upon aisles of trees and lights and wreaths and Santa hats. Usually the 24/7 Christmas radio stations throw us an Adam Sandler bone once in awhile (not literally... ew). You try to deny what everyone knows but won’t say – Hanukkah just isn’t as cool as Christmas. Not that it's a contest. Of course. I like bei...