Nuance and Neuroses

I've posted before about online dating don'ts for men. I do it mostly in good fun, as I make no claim to be perfect or have a perfect profile. Everyone makes errors in judgment occasionally. Some are more egregious than others. Posting pictures that involve a lineup of people when I don't know who you are? Merits an eye roll, nothing more. Averaging 3 spelling mistakes per sentence? Deep, profound sigh. But occasionally, a profile is so wrong, so off the mark, and so blazingly unaware that my first reaction is to burst out laughing. And then use it as the ultimate example of what not to write. OkCupid Specimen: What Not to Write    I would like you to use just one comma. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently, yes. Oh lordy, where to begin? Oh right, commas. And apostrophes. Where to continue? Let's go with insulting the reader. The reader, presumably, is a woman on OkCupid. According to you, this means she is one of several things: drunk, crazy, a whor...

You would think that if you've taken the time, and maybe the money, to do online dating, you would actually want to find some measure of success. Based on some of the things I've seen on guys' profiles on Match, this is in fact not the case. So here is a list of the top 5 stupid things that I have seen guys write. All excerpts are real, unmodified (for the most part) passages from male profiles on Match.com. 5. Sarcastic "fake" profiles This is when guys apparently think it is funny to create a completely fake (at least I hope, dear Lord I hope) profile. Either they are doing it to show their equally mature male friends with no intention of getting a response, or they hope some girl will find it funny. Exhibit 5:    I will pay you if you date me! I am clingy, jealous, and have terrible hygiene. I hate activities. Also, I cry a lot...especially at barbecues (i don't know why). Interesting fact: I love exotic foods. When I was 12 I ate my little sis...