Nuance and Neuroses

Every few weeks, after putting in so much effort and getting what seems like little return, I contract a little-known disorder called ODF —Online Dating Fatigue. Online Dating Fatigue Online Dating Fatigue, or ODF, is a rare but serious medical condition that affects the heart and brain of males and females who actively participate in online dating for 1 month or longer. It is described as a severe frustration with the online dating process and a period of abandonment of the dating website in question. Online Dating Fatigue may last anywhere from 1 day to 3 months, possibly longer if left untreated. Doctors classify ODF as mild, moderate, or severe:     Mild     A tired, ache-y feeling, followed by a closing of the sufferer's laptop or turning off of the sufferer's desktop computer. May return to online dating in approximately 1 to 7 days. Does not require treatment.         Moderate  ...

Note: Names have been changed to protect the innocent and promote alliteration. Dating site: Match.com Fake name : Connor Age : 31 Job : Some sort of psychologist, works with kids. Has a PhD. Appearance : Way tall. Like a full foot taller than me. Okay-looking, nothing special. Dark hair and very round-framed glasses. Location : The city. I live in the suburbs. I am no city girl, though I am getting better at it. Time : Late August Connor's profile was nothing special, but from his pictures (most of which were far away... see I WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE ) I wasn't repulsed, so I sent him a quick message. He responded flirtily, making a joke about my user name (still TheEditrix at the time). I returned with some questions about him, his job, etc. since I still knew so little about him. Rather than answering any of my questions, he said he would rather tell me in person and that we should talk on the phone. I thought that was very abrupt, as I like to see if a guy ...

The first phone call is a big thing for me. Before I tried online dating, I never realized how much a guy's voice mattered. I'm usually more of a visual person than an auditory person, but a guy's voice is a big factor in determining if I'm attracted to him or not. When you meet someone (you know, in the normal way), you meet the entire package... looks, mannerisms, behavior, voice are all bound into one identity. It's hard to separate components of someone's personality. The only time a voice is really noticeable by itself is if there is a huge discrepancy between looks and voice. Like if a big burly guy has a high, squeaky voice, or if a buxom blonde has a tinny, whining voice (a la The Man With Two Brains ). But when you meet someone online, you don't get the whole picture all at once. You get a picture, a few if you're lucky, and a few paragraphs about him, or at least how he has chosen to portray himself. It tells you some superficial information...

Subtitle: What's in a Name? When I first signed up for JDate, I thought really hard about my user name. The instructions said I should pick something that says something about me, and warned me to think very carefully, because I would not be able to change my user name later. I wanted something clever but informative. Something that would stand out. Those who know me know how much I appreciate acronyms and alliteration. After much thought, I decided upon NoisyNightOwl . I stay up late, and I'm a talker. And it's an alliteration. I realized only later that it made me seem overly chatty and lazy. eHarmony doesn't ask for user names. They just use your first name. Match.com requires user names. Again, when I signed up for Match, I thought and thought. Finally, I came up with TheEditrix . I thought it was smart and sexy, a feminized version of my job as an editor. Brutal truth time: I haven't gotten a very good response on Match.com. 90% of my emails have gone...

Subtitle: I want to see your face Look, I'll be the first to admit it. Despite every profile proclaiming to hate the "superficial" bar scene, online dating is just as superficial. Your picture is the most important part of your profile. Anything else—likes, dislikes, intelligence, humor—is secondary. It's a fact of life. Like it or not, you have to be attracted to a person to date him or her. Of course, I understand that you cannot necessarily tell if you're attracted to a person based on a two-dimensional picture. The way I approach it: If I feel there's even a possibility I could be attracted to the guy, even if the attraction is not immediate, I'll give his profile a closer look. Is online dating based on appearances just as much as real life? Of course it is. Do I reject profiles because I don't find the man attractive? Yes. Does that make me a bad person? I think not. That said, men, please put some thought into your picture. Or rather, pic...

Online dating. More accepted than ever before. Everyone knows someone now who met his or her significant other online. In the 90s, anyone you "met" through the internet was assumed to be a 45-year-old creeper targeting young naive girls. Though it hasn't completely thrown off the stigma that it's only for desperate, ugly, creepy, or painfully shy individuals, you can now admit to someone that you've tried or continue to try online dating without the fear of facing a pitying or disgusted expression. I have joined the online dating community. Rather, make that communities. Over the past year and a half, at different times, I've been a member of JDate , eHarmony , and Match . I am not d esperate, c reepy, u gly, or p ainfully shy. I'm no D-CUP . What I AM, however, is an ASS : a stute, s ocial, and s ingle. Astute: I'm smart and fairly insightful—I notice things. I'm an editor by profession, and thus quite detail-oriented... a nice word, as my...